Family / Couple
What if a cognitive disorder was hiding behind your child’s behavior problem?
Detect a cognitive disorder
Whether it’s a difficulty staying calm and seated, a difficulty managing emotions, or a tendency to be provocative, these behaviors may mask a cognitive difficulty or quirk. In most situations, parents or teachers have complained at some point or are currently complaining about the child’s behavior. It is usually this complaint that leads to the consultation.
Among the most common cognitive idiosyncrasies I encounter in the office are children with high potential, children with attention deficit disorder with or without hyperactivity, children with autism spectrum disorder, and lastly, children with Learning problems.
Advice : It would be important to see what causes this bad behavior. Generally, the behavior is the consequence, the child’s response, before a difficulty, a situation of frustration. So it would be useful to see what situation puts your child in difficulty, who is in pain. Here, it would also be prudent to be able to exchange with the various stakeholders to also have their opinion: that of the teachers, the babysitter, the teacher of such an extracurricular activity…
Assess cognitive decline
By going to the consultation of a professional specialized in the pediatric population, at least you will have the return of a doctor who sees many cases more or less similar to yours and who can offer you tools to implement to reduce behavior problems and work on deficient functions, previously carrying out the appropriate tests.
The professional is based on batteries of standardized tests and sees where the child is regardless of the level of academic demand and the expectations of the parents. The main thing is to see how the child works and her level in relation to her age group. This in order to confirm or rule out any suspicion of particularities at the cognitive level that could be related to the difficulties at the behavioral level.
Advice : Trust your natural parenting instincts. You live with your son and observe his behavior on a daily basis. This feedback is extremely useful for the professional who will be able to dissect each situation to possibly, later, be able to suggest modifications in the functioning at home and provide clues on how to deal with a child who, for the moment, does not make life easier.
Don’t hesitate to take the time to find the right professional. Each profession has its specialty. It is important that there is a good feeling between the practitioner and the child. Ideally, the professional should take the time to talk with him alone, then with the parents, and finally, all together.
Understand your child better
Whether or not a diagnosis can be made, the priority generally in this situation is to be able to initially improve the child’s behavior and lead him to be more serene. It is not uncommon for the results of a checkup to not provide more information about the child’s exact cognitive profile. Perhaps the child did not like the evaluation, that he was not motivated, that the evaluation was careless … The important thing is to be able in any case to allow everyone to feel better and understand each other.
– Because, spend more time with your child. A moment in which you will do an activity together, an activity decided by him.
– find reasons to value it about your performance
– Prioritize communication while keeping calm
– Understand your son by putting yourself in his place and taking into account that is the first to suffer and who needs help
– Show him that you trust himregardless of previous behavior.
– Allow you to (re)gain self-confidence inviting them to try various everyday and school-related tasks again, at their own pace
– Promote their autonomy giving him things to do
– celebrate a frame with kindness
– explain things to your son and reassure him telling him it can be fixed
– Always keep interested in school. and don’t underestimate the faculty
Advice : Without a doubt, it would be easier to have the support of a professional who can provide his external vision of the situation and who can provide you and your child with achievable goals, knowing your profile. This help from a professional would also allow you to maintain the correct role and this essential relationship of trust with your child.
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Behavioral disorders: what if we tried to understand our children?
For the lucky ones, he is terrible inside and outside the house, he is an angel. For the less fortunate among you, it’s terrible everywhere and all the time. Some children can put us in acute states of anger and stress. The problem is that very often in this situation, the state of the adult is only the consequence of the behavior of the child. Inevitably, when we no longer know what to do with this little being, the child does not calm down and it is the beginning of an infernal cycle. Here are 3 tips to defuse the situation and improve the quality of family communication.
Tinker Bell fairies are bright and ambitious women who also happen to be great seductresses and manipulators. Eternally dissatisfied, the Clochettes hide, behind their obsession with appearance and success, great suffering. And they would be more and more numerous in our society. Explanations with psychotherapist Sylvie Tenenbaum.
He receives more and more in his office: brilliant women, who collect successes and professional achievements; hyperactive people who seek to control everything, starting with themselves; The “superwomen” doubled as great seductresses. So much so that Sylvie Tenenbaum, a psychotherapist, called them “Les Clochette”, in reference to the little fairy imagined by the writer James M. Barrie, with whom they share much in common. Starting with great suffering. We knew about the Peter Pan syndrome, or that of Cinderella or that of Sleeping Beauty. Now here is the tinkerbell syndrome.
The Bells are angry
Ambitious, often arrogant, perfectionists… The bells are ready to do anything to achieve their ends. “They are in a form of violence in front of life, because they take a form of revenge, analyzes Sylvie Tenenbaum. It’s also about revenge, in a difficult childhood, where they were often criticized, abused, humiliated, manipulated. During this, they stored a good dose of anger. And anger is energy, which they will later channel towards professional and social success. »
” He symptoms of tinker bell syndrome form a coherent whole, explains Sylvie Tenenbaum. We speak of syndrome when we recognize most of these signs in a single personality. »
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Perfectionism takes away the joy of living
Being ambitious is good. But when our desire to do better becomes a relentless will, it can cause harm.
The Clochettes are afraid of their emotions.
Tinkerbell fairies are women who have suffered a lot during their childhood. Of toxic fathers, possessive or self-centered mothers, misogynistic or absent fathers… “Most of the time they did not have the same permissions as their brothers, if they did, they did not value them as girls, or they raised them to be the first all. hour. So they told themselves that to be loved, you had to be successful. And above all, that they should not express their emotions. Which constitute, for them, real weaknesses. “They are afraid of them because they think they can take away their strength. And strength, it is true that they have a lot.
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How to manage the hassle?
Sometimes we react inappropriately and negatively when faced with a nuisance. However, it is not always pleasant either for oneself or for those around you.
Clochettes are great seducers
In terms of affective life, the Clochette multiply the encounters and conquests. But they are rarely satisfied. “The men they meet are never good enough. And since they do not have an easy character, at the slightest disappointment they are immediately fired. They have been so frustrated in the past that they cannot bear the slightest annoyance.
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I don’t like any man
I am 27 years old and almost no stable and constructive relationship. Every time I meet someone, I run away.
In fact, they despise men, having suffered greatly from their father during their childhood. Therefore, they just expect them to be worshipped. But in reality, the Tinkerbell suffers from a form of emotional dependency. “They are still little girls waiting to be loved unconditionally. Very unconsciously, they expect men to repair their psycho-affective life. But it can’t work because nobody can give them what they didn’t receive in childhood”.
The Tinkerbells hurt each other
Their affective, professional and social hyperactivity allows them in any case one thing: not to think about their suffering. Because if the Clochettes seem to succeed at everything, they are actually suffering. Injure. Victims of themselves. “They don’t know who they are. They didn’t even ask the question. They just live to prove that they are the best, the most beautiful, the strongest. They are in a form of intoxication. Most of the time, they realize very late the loneliness in which they are locked up. And then they become aware of their immense sadness for not having been loved enough or badly.
to go further
Childhood stress, difficult to detect and often underestimated
Just like adults, children can become unsettled and stressed by changes in landmarks or unusual events.
The bells hurt
Meanwhile, they do a lot of damage to those around them. For this egocentric womeninsensitive, manipulative, tyrannical and jealous, “others are objects at his service”. They don’t respect them. They would like the world to live just for them. We have been tyrannical with them for so long. Unfortunately, they copied their models. But this damage that they do and that they do to themselves, they don’t even realize.
We talked about it in the Psychology forum 
tinker bells can break free
Fortunately, the Clochettes can change, “live better, have less heartbreak.” On condition of being helped. “It is a difficult path because it generates a lot of awareness. In particular that of having made others suffer. Generally, they are not proud of it. »
The key to transformation? “The repair of the girl that is in them and that she is still waiting for marks of love. It’s time to cultivate it”. Also renounce omnipotence, to meet your own emotions. And above all, “learn to love yourself better, to love yourself better”.
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Read
Bell syndrome. These women who hurt and get hurtby Sylvie Tenenbaum, Editions du Moment.
A healthy relationship is based on trust, sincere feelings, and a certain amount of personal sacrifice. But the recipe for happiness as a couple does not exist and human relationships are so complex that lovers can sometimes go through some storms. Of the routine small annoyances that can even destroy the intimacy of the couple, the discussions sometimes result from particular behaviors : love kills them. As its name indicates, a love killer is the trigger for a breakup or the end of love. This is what makes a person stop wanting her partner.
Australian researchers have investigated the question to scientifically identify the behaviors that could be the worst killers of love. To do this, they conducted a survey of 5,500 single people between the ages of 21 and 76. Participants had to determine what could turn them off in a potential mate (physical characteristics, behavior, etc.). Result: three answers stand out from the majority of the panel, allowing us to define the most devastating love killers.
lack of hygiene
If the lack of hygiene is the the most frequent reason for rupture would be the “murderous love” most feared by those surveyed. Not to mention the extreme neglect, symptomatic of Diogenes syndrome, 67% of the participants pointed out a lack of hygiene that could end the relationship.
Breakup: how long does it take to mourn a relationship? https://t.co/qPs0Vpb9Ed
— Psychologies (@Psychologies_) November 21, 2022
the procrastination
A permanent need for affection.
Finally, it is the excessive need for affection that, for 69% of women and 57% of men, can endanger a love relationship. People who constantly seek attention and displays of affection from your partner You may face relationship difficulties. Therefore, it is important to leave enough space so as not to undermine the other person’s sense of freedom. Lack of affection, also characteristic of Tinkerbell syndrome can be a sign of lack of self confidencewhich must be repaired at no cost to the member.
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