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We gave up having a child

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Wanting a child

“It’s a very ordinary story of the passage of time. We met late, we fell in love with each other when my biological clock was already in my forties. Very soon we wanted to have a child, because we knew that our years were numbered. The tests were reassuring, the doctors were sure. Then came, successively, hormonal stimulation, artificial insemination, IVF, etc. [fécondations in vitro, ndlr]. A painful path, with its succession of mourning. First, the monthly loss of menstruation. Then that of being able to conceive normally. Finally, that of being able to give birth. And, faithful companions of fatigue, followed rage – for the injustice: why the others and not ourselves? – And guilt, that little voice that whispers in our ear: are you absolutely sure you want a child?

A couple on trial

To all these upheavals, we tried to find different answers. Each of us went to a psychiatrist to decipher our desire to have a child. We tried energetics, essential oils, hypnosis, homeopathy…. We delved into our unconscious, tortured our family tree to find the origin of the trauma, opened our chakras, listened sympathetically to those who told us: “Let go”, as if it were possible…. Nothing came. We could not find an answer to the question, “Why doesn’t it work?”. We managed to walk these graceless roads together, without letting go of each other’s hand. Of course, not always in phase and not always in harmony. Philippe often felt alone, as a simple “sperm provider”. As for me, my body was being abused by massive hormone injections and I was experiencing emotional reactions that made me feel like I was on a roller coaster. We had to put a lot of words to these discomforts to dispel them.

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Stop trying

And then, after three years, there was one day too many. The umpteenth return of the period, the umpteenth dashed hope… and this time, discouragement won out over sadness. Our reaction was no longer: “It’s useless, we’ll do it again next month”, but: “Please, we don’t want to do it again”. Once we reached this stage, we realized that we had gone from a desire to a struggle. A struggle against fate, against nature, against ourselves. How many months had we gone without listening to our true desires? To stop counting the days; to make love without obligation; to be free to talk about a future without wondering if a child would be in it or not? To our loved ones, we simply said, “It’s over, we quit.” We had to face the predictions-“You’ll see, now that you’ve given up, it will come”-that we can’t help but believe, and the guilt-inducing truism: “There are too many unhappy children to adopt.” No, we will not adopt. For many good reasons of our own, which well-meaning people, armed with their beautiful biological children, will not hesitate to label as selfish. And because we refuse to trade one struggle for another.

A couple always strong

In our eyes, to accept not having children is to accept total death, death without offspring. To accept that “you plus me equals nothing”, as “one plus one equals zero”. To accept that of this beautiful love, nothing survives after us. To accept that when one of us leaves, the survivor will be alone. Not having a child means having to ask all the questions of another fertility. Personal: what is it to be a woman who is not a mother? What does it mean to be a man who has not been able to give a child to the person he loves? And conjugal: what is the meaning of our story? What a gamble to have to find a “to do” that is not “to make a child”! Upon reflection, we became aware of our possibilities. The possibility that science might be able to help us reach the end of what we could hope for. The possibility that our regrets will not turn into regrets. That our partner has maintained his tenderness, his humor and his lightness, both in struggle and in defeat. Today, we love each other better than ever.

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Family / Couple

The 4 favorite methods of women to achieve clitoral orgasm

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Despite scientific advances, female pleasure is still synonymous with mystery. Many studies have investigated the clitoris and its secrets, but never has the word been so free on the subject. It is in this continuity that American researchers compiled the responses of a panel of 3,017 women between the ages of 18 and 93 to make their way the secrets of sexual pleasure and clitoral orgasm. Published in April 2021, this study highlights 4 techniques women use to make vaginal penetration more pleasurable: angling, rocking, shallow penetration, and pairing.

Shallowing: multiply the pleasure by a superficial touch

84% of women resort to superficiality to, once again, increase pleasure during vaginal penetration. Behind this name, which translates into French as “superficial”, hides a pretty shallow touch, penetrating right at the entrance of the vagina. It can be done with the tip of the finger, a toy, the tip of the penis, the tongue, or the lips.

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Family / Couple

Breath play or erotic suffocation, a dangerous sexual practice

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It is sexual behavior that is controversial. the breathing game which literally means “breath play”, is a form of erotic asphyxiation practiced during sexual intercourse. But its dangerousness is often overlooked.

What is the breathing game?

ends sexual arousal”, defines the English version of Wikipedia. In practice, “erotic asphyxia” consists ofchoking your partner in the middle of a sexual act. However, playing with your breath can be very dangerous, even deadly. “May result in accidental death by suffocation,” the definition says.

However, despite the risk of injury or fainting, this practice has many adherents. A study conducted in 2021 among 4,000 American students indicates that 26.5% of those surveyed had drowned during their last sexual encounter. Another study carried out the same year on other students reveals more worrying figures: 58% of them have already been suffocated by a partner.

L’suffocation erotic it is also very popular in BSDM circles. A french website dedicated to this type of sexual practices, explains that this restriction of breathing is “practiced in different ways: hanging, suffocation, placing the head in a plastic bag or strangulation,” reports an article in female earth.

A sexual practice that can be deadly

Very risky, the breathing game was popularized by the porn industry, making it an act in its own right, especially in sexual relations marked by domination. But in reality, the consequences of this sexual practice can be fatal. Too much pressure on the larynx can cause death.

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Although there are no official figures on the number of deaths caused by this practice, Grace Millane, a 22-year-old woman, died from it in 2018. Police found traces of strangulation that could correspond to a “four to five minute” suffocation. His partner, Jesse Kempton, was convicted of femicide and sentenced to life in prison. The defense had confided “that the young woman had accidentally died at the end of a sexual game that had gone wrong, a version that had been categorically rejected by the jury,” he recalls. paris party.

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Family / Couple

Couple: what your position on the sofa says about your relationship

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the posture adopted by couples when they sit on a sofait’s a window into your relationship status. This is the conclusion of a study conducted by Georgina Barnett, a British psychologist, on 2,000 cohabiting couples. “Tell me how you’re sitting, I’ll tell you if everything is fine in your relationship,” says the specialist in an interview with Stylish Maternity.

Sitting next to each other: a sign of imbalance?

While most couples tend to sit on the couch together, there are some pretty subtle signs that it can be signs of relationship problems. When the partners occupy only one corner of the bench and are too close together, this is synonymous with imbalance in your relationship. “The comfortable person in the corner takes up the space, is confident, and has power in the relationship. The other, on the other hand, seems less confident. He is looking for contact and reassurance, ”explains Georgina Barnett.

However, there is a nuance when they sit more in the center of the sofa, maintaining physical contact, such as a hand on the thigh or another. “Couples established in this way have trust your relationship and therefore can afford personal space. It is a mixture of intimacy and freedom”, analyzes the psychologist. But although in love, the latter no longer experience the passion of the first days, according to the expert.

When the position on the sofa heralds a crisis

According to the psychologist, time is serious in the event that the two partners are sitting at two different ends. “It’s even worse if her legs are crossed in opposite directions,” she says. This posture is generally a sign of a Tension in the couple. It can also be a sign that something was left unsaid or resentment, according to Georgina Barnett.

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And contrary to what one might think, if the partners are based on different bases, distanced from each other, it does not necessarily mean that they are in crisis. can only be couples comfortable enough with each other to have their own space. Although this study is based on a fairly large sample, its conclusions must be taken with caution.

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