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Tantrism – We try tantra as a couple

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Many people seek sexual symbiosis and ecstasy in Tantra. Is this wrong? And what do the courses consist of? Our reporters have followed, as a couple, one of the many courses that offer an introduction to tantrism. They tell us about this incredible experience and how it changed everything.

Five thousand years ago, in the kingdom of India, the beautiful goddess Parvati, sitting on the lap of her beloved Shiva, heard him invent tantrism. An awakening to love, which uses sexual energy in a perspective of spiritual openness. The promise of a different sexuality that would lead to ecstasy? For a long time reserved to a few initiates, this millenary technique is finally tending to be better known and transmitted through personal development. That is why, as a couple and as reporters, we left near Plaisir (a predestined place!), one hour from Paris, to participate in a three-day course offered by Christine Lorand and Dominique Vincent, psychotherapists and tantric specialists. With us were five other couples postulating the sacred path.

Most had been living as a couple for several years and hoped that the adventure would give a new flavor to their sexuality or reintroduce communication into their relationship. From our notes and anecdotes, here is the account of our experience in the temple of the senses.

Day 1: Learning to feel… and to hold back.

Camille: By April, professional pressures had reduced our life as a couple to simple dinner meetings. It wasn’t that our love had run out after a year, but that it needed to be spiced up. I had already heard about tantra. An apprenticeship of bodily practices aimed at awakening the senses to achieve, as a couple, a loving meditation, an ecstatic orgasm…. Exactly what we needed. “Three days of sensual rebirth”, as Christine Lorand and Dominique Vincent’s brochure announced, could only bring us a new breath. Thomas was up for it. So we signed up…

A large white room overlooking the forest. Incense, tabla and sitar harmonics. Here I am, more intimidated than I expected. Ten pairs of eyes of strangers who have come to learn how to love each other better… First instruction: dance. Alone or with a partner, to the rhythm or against the beat, what counts is to move. To be in the consciousness and not in the mind, to feel as much as to think. Little twists of the wrist, unapproved twists, frantic jerks…. I try, in front of Thomas, to get involved.

Sensation of heat in the lower back, tingling in the fingertips, tension in the stomach …. “Your body is a temple through which circulates and transforms the vital energy,” insist therapists. Because the first principle of tantra is there: first listen to yourself to be able to savor, then and together, the joys of nirvana….

Thomas : India and Hinduism have never attracted me too much. If the path of the tantrikas, the followers of tantrism, tempted me, it was mainly because of its mystery… First evening, first tantric exercise in couple. Let us point out at the outset – it is important – that no sexual intercourse, no real intimacy took place during the group sessions. The common room only hosted our meditations, our repetitions of postures, our work on breathing and sometimes resounded with our mantras (sound vibrations pronounced like Buddhist monks). All this was done fully clothed, on mats and cushions.

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These three days were structured in the same way. A few hours of exercises in the living room, lots of practice in the living room. Ours was a short walk from the main house, in a small hut nestled in the greenery. As recommended, Camille lay down in front of me and let herself be massaged. Slowly. Motionless or lightly touching, in pronounced or barely perceptible strokes, my hands traced the curve of her hips, embraced the warmth of her belly before following the shivers that ran down her neck. The music pushed us into concentration as it slowly fostered my arousal.

Good preliminaries for a serious start? And not only that. Thanks to our application and special attention, we were awakened to a prodigious sensuality. A step of two towards intensity.

Camille : Credo for our first tantric encounter in intimacy: don’t expect anything, don’t provoke anything, just learn to feel… and to contain yourself to enjoy the sacred energies. First, we greet each other with a namaste, performed with joined hands, in a slight bow, to ritualize the passage from the profane to the sacred. Then, seated in lotus, face to face, naked under a large scarf, we remain in a state of consciousness making, in a few sentences, a summary of our sensations. Thomas feels good, calm, in love. I feel naked, observed, modest and full of a certain shyness on the threshold of the new.

Fortunately, her smile and our complicity convince me to let it go. We are ready for the yabium, the tantric posture par excellence. Sitting inside each other, facing each other, perineum to perineum (we have deliberately opted for the non-penetrative version, to prevent the big thrill from coming too quickly), we try to stay focused on the present moment. If it is not forbidden to cross the threshold of pleasure, it is in patience that we will find, it seems, the most beautiful effervescence.

The secret? Breathing. I breathe in when he breathes out, and vice versa, so that from the union of our breaths a symbolic alchemy of our bodies and minds is born. This is the theory. Whether it takes place in the intimacy of a sexual relationship or not, yabium allows partners to connect energetically at the level of all the chakras, the seven energy centers aligned vertically from the sex to the top of the skull. The goal, after much training, is to become two lovers magnetized by their inversely polarized energies. Five minutes, twenty minutes… It is hard to resist the temptation. Deep inhalation, wide exhalation… A certain frustration sets in… Suddenly forgetting the loving meditation, we lie down to give free rein to our desire for fusion. What satisfaction! Waiting, to a certain extent, is really good.

Day two: Remain in physical contact for twenty-four hours.

Thomas: Saturday, 7:30 am. On an empty stomach, we join the group for a dynamic meditation. A journey in four stages and in music to allow the energy to circulate throughout the body… First stage: nasal breathing. Eyes closed, I do it: small inhalation through the mouth, large exhalation through the nose. Ten minutes of intense breathing that allow, during the second phase, to release the shadow, that dark side of ourselves, sad, unpleasant, animal and choleric, often hidden to allow us to live in society. Its dirty side, in other words. Shouts, laughter, cushions hitting the floor…. Some incoherent and violent phrases are heard: “I hate you”, “No, not that…”, “Get out of here, whore”, “Shut up”…

The room has become a human zoo. I find it hard to keep my concentration. The others were able to take off while I was stuck in reality. Fear of the unknown? A shadow that was too dark? Misapplied inspiration? No idea. Third phase: arms raised, start jumping, fifteen minutes, while rhythmically pushing “Hou!”, so that the old polluted energies give way to serenity. I must admit that there are effects: I am exhausted! The fourth step is mediation. Doing nothing but letting your thoughts flow and witnessing what is happening inside you. For the moment, I am witnessing my failure. The disembarkation of the group takes the form of a slow dance, “acceptance”, in which one quietly celebrates one’s own shadow in order to free oneself. But what should I accept, that I did not succeed? As the last of the class, I wait for the vegetarian lunch break?

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Camille: I can’t forget the joy I got from an experiment called “the liaison”. The rules of the game: stay in physical contact with your partner for twenty-four hours. By foot, by hand, by shoulder, by hair…. Maintaining a link while moving, eating, washing… but also, and logically, while going to the bathroom! Objective: to learn to listen and feel our fusion. Some couples have not been able to fulfill this contract. “My hands were sweaty. She was walking too fast. She didn’t want to share everything…” But for Thomas and me it was a panacea…. 1,440 minutes of laughter and pleasure. With the certainty of being two halves made to unite. “Let your vital energy spread its ripples in your erogenous and sexual zones and all over your body, without expecting anything in return”, Christine and Dominique had said before letting us escape to our private retreat. We tried it and it worked. Recommended position: scissor. But not from head to toe. Rather in the shape of an X, with legs intertwined, joined by a penetration. This is the beginning of our “love meditation”…

Forget the traditional back-and-forth that leads to small explosions, and aim for perfection. And this is why… we breathe. Breathe in to receive the energy, breathe out to circulate it. Thomas receives in his heart and transmits me through sex. Deliciously, there is a rich, sensual stimulation. Just by breathing (a bit harsh, I must admit). A flirtation with the divine that only meditative pauses keep it from escalating into a too-quick climax. Stop. Pause… Again… Pause. Hours and hours… Tantra teaches us to experience sexual arousal in a state of relaxation. Paradoxical? Not at all. Desire extends to all parts of the body. It is no longer a question of performance, but of intensity in the exchange. As I abandoned fantasy to revel in the erotic riches Thomas offered me, that night I loved him as never before for what only he could bring me.

Day three: Letting your own inner voice speak.

Thomas : Again a dynamic meditation. This time I decided to let myself go. As the second phase approaches, a spiral of emotions invades me, highlighting the accumulated tensions and bringing out an unsuspected sadness. A mini cranial stress that I managed to evacuate by jumping, dancing and meditating. Result: the impression of being really clean. The following experience, called “the ear”, should be a mandatory hygiene principle for all couples. The principle: comfortably installed, do nothing but listen to your partner’s feelings in the present moment and repeat his or her words, mentally, to better assimilate them. The only rules to respect are: do not judge; do not interrupt; do nothing but listen. Good faith and “I” are essential. After a few minutes, the roles are reversed. “I feel good,” “I’m upset,” “I think I’m a little worried,” “I love you”….

Listening to one’s inner voice in this way and letting it express itself unblocks energies. The benefit? Ending resentments, unspoken words, errors in judgment that diminish our potential for happiness. The course ended as it began. We danced. But what a difference, what a lightness compared to when we arrived! The last mantra “Aôm” gave me incredible vibrations. And yet, mantras are the thing I didn’t believe in. But the “Aaa” resonated in my lower belly, the “Ooh” did in my chest, and the “Mmm” finally resonated at the top of my head. I was very proud of myself. Not bad, in just three days, to be able to learn to feel, to listen to your body to that extent. And what about Camille? Camille, since then, is…. How can I put it? She’s not completely different. But she’s not the same.

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Abstract: A sensual mutation rather than a revolution.

Camille and Thomas: It’s been a month since our tantric training, what have we learned from our odyssey? First of all, that Tantra is certainly not the Kama Sutra. There are no pirouettes or wheelbarrows, but beautiful sensations to discover and share. It is not really a sexual revolution, but a sensual mutation that is not only useful in bed, but also in life. It is not easy, it is true, to prolong the immense serenity that we had gained once at home. But when we have learned to listen to each other better and to enjoy our relationship better, everyday life is inevitably more flexible. Some see the 21st century as spiritual, others as Asian. Tantra is both.

Tantra: The search for the spiritual through sexual energy.

From the Sanskrit word tan, meaning to weave links, and tra, suggesting the idea of salvation, tantra is a spiritual path whose first writings date back to the 6th century BC. Developed in India, China and then in Tibet, it is divided into two movements: the “right hand tantra” of the Buddhist tradition, which is based on simple meditative practices, and the “left hand tantra” of the Hindu tradition, which relies on sexual energy and sexuality to access the sacred. Recently arrived in France, it is the latter that most often gives rise to personal development training. Through a series of meditations, rituals, breathing and body exercises, experienced alone or as a couple, Hindu Tantra aims to magnify the union of man and woman by restoring their dimension of creative divinities. Through the total encounter of bodies, sexes and hearts, its objective is to combine energies to reach an orgasm that is no longer genital and external, but explosive and ecstatic.

Ethics: true and false tantra

Tantra is the only spiritual quest based essentially on sexual energy. By virtue of this originality, some dubious “gurus” offer pseudo-tantric courses, a sum of unserious interpretations, perverse fantasies and vicious practices. To prevent them from joining such enlightened groups, Agnès and Jean-Marie Delacroix, psychotherapists trained in Tantra, have defined, with reference to the ethical code of the National Union of Psychotherapy ProfessionalsThese are the professional ethical standards that any good tantric training should be able to meet. Before committing yourself, do not hesitate to have these four principles reaffirmed:

1. Respect for oneself and for others on one’s own path.

2. No sexual relations between participants and facilitators.

3. There are no sexual acts during group exercises.

4. Absolute confidentiality of both participants and facilitators.

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==&> Are you ready for tantric sex?

In our quest for sexual fulfillment, Eastern traditions are in vogue, with a strong vogue for Tantra. A philosophy of life that is also a path to a different sexuality, a path to ecstasy. To find out if you are ready to experience this unique vision of desire, union and orgasm, take stock of your relationship with sexuality and discover what Tantra could bring you. Perhaps you are a budding or experienced tantric.

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Family / Couple

Breath play or erotic suffocation, a dangerous sexual practice

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It is sexual behavior that is controversial. the breathing game which literally means “breath play”, is a form of erotic asphyxiation practiced during sexual intercourse. But its dangerousness is often overlooked.

What is the breathing game?

ends sexual arousal”, defines the English version of Wikipedia. In practice, “erotic asphyxia” consists ofchoking your partner in the middle of a sexual act. However, playing with your breath can be very dangerous, even deadly. “May result in accidental death by suffocation,” the definition says.

However, despite the risk of injury or fainting, this practice has many adherents. A study conducted in 2021 among 4,000 American students indicates that 26.5% of those surveyed had drowned during their last sexual encounter. Another study carried out the same year on other students reveals more worrying figures: 58% of them have already been suffocated by a partner.

L’suffocation erotic it is also very popular in BSDM circles. A french website dedicated to this type of sexual practices, explains that this restriction of breathing is “practiced in different ways: hanging, suffocation, placing the head in a plastic bag or strangulation,” reports an article in female earth.

A sexual practice that can be deadly

Very risky, the breathing game was popularized by the porn industry, making it an act in its own right, especially in sexual relations marked by domination. But in reality, the consequences of this sexual practice can be fatal. Too much pressure on the larynx can cause death.

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Although there are no official figures on the number of deaths caused by this practice, Grace Millane, a 22-year-old woman, died from it in 2018. Police found traces of strangulation that could correspond to a “four to five minute” suffocation. His partner, Jesse Kempton, was convicted of femicide and sentenced to life in prison. The defense had confided “that the young woman had accidentally died at the end of a sexual game that had gone wrong, a version that had been categorically rejected by the jury,” he recalls. paris party.

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Couple: what your position on the sofa says about your relationship

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the posture adopted by couples when they sit on a sofait’s a window into your relationship status. This is the conclusion of a study conducted by Georgina Barnett, a British psychologist, on 2,000 cohabiting couples. “Tell me how you’re sitting, I’ll tell you if everything is fine in your relationship,” says the specialist in an interview with Stylish Maternity.

Sitting next to each other: a sign of imbalance?

While most couples tend to sit on the couch together, there are some pretty subtle signs that it can be signs of relationship problems. When the partners occupy only one corner of the bench and are too close together, this is synonymous with imbalance in your relationship. “The comfortable person in the corner takes up the space, is confident, and has power in the relationship. The other, on the other hand, seems less confident. He is looking for contact and reassurance, ”explains Georgina Barnett.

However, there is a nuance when they sit more in the center of the sofa, maintaining physical contact, such as a hand on the thigh or another. “Couples established in this way have trust your relationship and therefore can afford personal space. It is a mixture of intimacy and freedom”, analyzes the psychologist. But although in love, the latter no longer experience the passion of the first days, according to the expert.

When the position on the sofa heralds a crisis

According to the psychologist, time is serious in the event that the two partners are sitting at two different ends. “It’s even worse if her legs are crossed in opposite directions,” she says. This posture is generally a sign of a Tension in the couple. It can also be a sign that something was left unsaid or resentment, according to Georgina Barnett.

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And contrary to what one might think, if the partners are based on different bases, distanced from each other, it does not necessarily mean that they are in crisis. can only be couples comfortable enough with each other to have their own space. Although this study is based on a fairly large sample, its conclusions must be taken with caution.

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The Relationship Escalator: Are You Following This Conventional Love Pattern?

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Dating, formalizing your relationship, living together, getting married and having children. Many people perceive this life path map as the ultimate blueprint. This diagram has a name: the relationship escalator. The goal of those who take it is to peak by aging together, after checking a certain number of boxes.

What is a “relationship escalator”?

This expression designates a love pattern widespread, but increasingly questioned within society. The Urban DictionaryThe bible of slang and popular expressions defines the relationship ladder as “the societal expectation that a romantic relationship should automatically follow a set of stages and lead to marriage, parenthood, and home ownership.”

Amy Gahran, author of Off the Relationship Escalator, Uncommon Love and Life, was the first to mention this concept. She explains that this notion is “a standard by which most people assess whether an intimate relationship that develops is meaningful, serious, good, healthy, committed, or worth pursuing or maintaining.” In other words, the escalator of the relationship denotes ME’set of beliefs that perceive the most conventional pattern of love as the most rewarding and valued. This concept is made up of several steps that can vary depending on the culture. But they generally follow this timeline:

• Flirt for a few weeks/months

• Becoming sexually and emotionally exclusive

• Introduce your partner to loved ones

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• Live together

• Get married or settle down

• Acquire real estate

• Have children

• Get old together

A satisfactory relational schema if it is not imposed

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking this kind of path of love if it makes us happy. Instead, what can be problematic is imposing it on others as an absolute norm and the only valid model. Pointing fingers at this practice is also a way of denouncing the constant pressure on singles and couples who do not formalize their civil unions.

Gabrielle Smith, an author and poet who is very sensitive to issues related to sexuality and romantic relationships, analyzes this practice in an article by granist “The relationship escalator is designed for heterosexual relationships between singles and preferably for relationships within a two-income middle-class household. Many people are not part of this demographic, and those who are still feel the pressure it brings. »

If this mandate can affect all genders, it is particularly intense when it comes to heterosexual women. “Society makes you think it’s easy to get married, have children, or combine finances. But the reality for many is that it is neither possible nor smart”, concludes Gabrielle Smith.

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