Treating anorgasmia with hypnosis is the experience that Clémence tried. If we know the benefits of this type of therapy to stop smoking, nail biting or even overcome a phobia, its use in other areas remains more confidential. However, hypnosis can be considered in many cases, and in particular the management of sexual disorders. Clémence agreed to share her experience with us.
“Consult a psychiatrist? Very little for me, I would have answered you a few months ago. Do not shock, provoke or despise those who do it. But because, after bad experiences in the past, I had resigned myself. By dint of never falling for “the right person at the right time,” I ended up concluding that therapy was not for me. After all, I had relatives to rely on, I tried as much as possible to question myself when necessary. He had no need to be “followed”. Except it was putting a handkerchief on a part of my life that didn’t really fill me: my sexuality.
When I heard about hypnosis and its virtues, I felt that I had found the magic formula that I had been waiting for, without admitting it, for a long time. A brief therapy, which therefore only required a few sessions, and whose springs escaped me a bit but did not seem to require too much introspection. For me, who had seen a sex therapist unsuccessfully in the past (hadn’t seen her again after the first date), and clearly shied away from working with me (which requires time and commitment), the proposition was tempting. .
Discuss your sexuality with a stranger
Going to see a psychiatrist to talk to him about my sexuality hadn’t been easy the first time. Apprehension, shame, fear… I reassured myself by choosing a woman, convinced that it would be less difficult. Big mistake that I will not make again. Even my gynecologist today is a man. It is not that he prefers one or the other sex, but now he works above all feeling. So I didn’t panic when a friend recommended a male hypnotist. What bothered me, however, was having to broach this subject with…a stranger. And what’s more, under hypnosis and therefore half asleep! What if he trusted her with things without my knowledge? What if my reactions under hypnosis were completely out of control? I was not really calm, and I decided to address these questions very quickly, from the first meeting.
“I was sexually abused as a child. My first time, as a teenager, was a memorable fiasco. Since then, I have moved slowly but surely. My sexual relations are pleasurable. I feel desire and pleasure. But I never had an orgasm.” I objectively explained my case to the hypnotherapist. No frills or details. I wanted people to talk about me in a more global way. Of my work. of my children Obstacles that I encounter. Engines that allow me to move forward. He then explained hypnosis to me: “You will not be asleep, but in an altered state of consciousness (ASC). A bit like when you have the impression of having your head in the clouds, of daydreaming. The difference is that my voice will guide you, and together we will try to explore your unconscious, the way it interprets your memories, in an attempt to re-educate it. You will not do anything against your will.” He was almost sure.
Discover the state of hypnosis
He asked if I was ready, made sure I was sitting comfortably, and offered to close my eyes. So, to concentrate on my feelings. Be very attentive to my hands resting on my thighs. By the pressure exerted by each of my fingers. He continued to guide me like this for a while. How long ? I couldn’t tell you his voice was serene, persuasive, reassuring. He pressed certain words, broke others. Suddenly, I had the feeling that his face was very close to mine, as if he was whispering in my ear. He could smell the coffee he must have had before our date, the warmth of his breath. He wanted to open his eyes to check. But something stopped me. Was it the state of hypnosis that made me incapable? Or the fear of coming face to face with him?
My thoughts came and went. Sometimes I listened to him, sometimes I got lost in my own questions. Was I really hypnotized or was I still in control of myself? And he, what did she think? Was I analyzing my breath? The movements of my eyes under my lids? One thing led to another and, at his request, I raised my arms, floating both hands in the air. Always according to his instructions, one of my hands, the one that represented everything that could overwhelm me in life, became heavier, therefore, lower. While the other got up. Later, it was my head that sank forward. At no time did I have the feeling that I had initiated these gestures. I felt like a willing puppet. Then I understood that these little exercises allowed him to measure participation and access to my unconscious. There is no magic there, even if this first time will still be amazing for me.
work on letting go
From this first session we decided to work on the obstacle that prevented me, in sexuality but also in other areas, from flourishing and being serene. I couldn’t let go. Unable to let go completely without controlling anything. Unable to trust, and trust myself, completely. Sexually, I was afraid of the other’s gaze on me, I was afraid of not living up to his expectations, of being “too much” or “not enough.” When he felt that the time had come, the hypnotherapist addressed my unconscious directly. “I would like your unconscious to begin to get used to being more receptive to suggestions that coincide with your desire to let go, your desire to better enjoy your sensations. To connect with your body. And little by little not to let yourself be parasitized by thoughts that have become useless”.
I went back to see him four times, always leaving three weeks between each session. Time to digest. Every date went the same way. We discussed for about fifteen minutes my observations, perceived changes or not. Of my behaviors still too much dominant, which I really wanted to get rid of. I knew that the key to my freedom was there. I then spent about thirty minutes under hypnosis. After a first phase always focused on my body, my sensations, to refocus all my attention on myself, we got to the heart of the matter. Then he transmitted my requests to my subconscious, through very direct suggestions: “There is no risk, when you are sure that you can do it, in letting go. The self-defense mechanisms that you used until then should no longer overprotect you. What they may have been used for in the past is not necessarily valid today.”
I will never be able to say how much these five hypnosis sessions have changed my life. How do we really know why and how things happen? What if I had only my will to have changed? What if everything was related solely to the evolution of my relationship with my current partner? The fact is that at 32 I discovered how good sex can be. And that happened at the same time as my hypnosis therapy. So I want to believe that it was this combination of winds pointing in the same direction that worked.
No, I still haven’t figured out what that famous orgasm that everyone is talking about is all about. Mandate of enjoyment compels. I still don’t know what this inner explosion is. But I know I’m getting close, and one day I’ll know. Within a few months, I saw my libido skyrocket. My modesty, meanwhile, is gone. Today I can walk naked in front of the man I love without wondering if my body is as it should be. I can experience pleasure by looking directly into his eyes, enlightened, without fear. I feel lighter and freer to be who I am. “You can be a woman of pleasure. Experience the pleasure. Give something. Without fear of consequences,” my hypnotherapist once whispered to me. I no longer have any doubts about it. »
The practitioner’s analysis, Kévin Finel
“Hypnosis is something much simpler, but also much more amazing than what people expect to discover. Easier because it moves away from the usual clichés of sleep, loss of control and other myths that the show conveys. More surprising because, although this state is completely natural, it leads us to understand ourselves in another way, to look at ourselves in another way, sometimes even to discover new facets of our personality.
Under hypnosis, a person is not asked to change. We try to show him how his behavior develops and changes, how to recover the ability to act on it: it is an apprenticeship, a pedagogy of the mind.
For Clémence, the desired letting go can only be achieved by exploring what stands in her way. Not necessarily going back to where it came from, known or unknown, but understanding the unconscious need for protection and taking the time to appease it.
Hypnosis allows a meeting between our conscious part and our unconscious part, it is a middle ground where these two visions can coincide, understand each other and therefore “negotiate” a change. As Clémence’s testimony shows, it is not a “magic wand”, but a soft and gradual opening that is created, so that the change takes hold. »
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Is it scientifically proven? What are the different hypnosis techniques? Can you hypnotize yourself? The answers in the article. 10 questions about hypnosis “.
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Kévin Finel is director of l’Arche, Academy for Research and Knowledge in Ericksonian Hypnosis. More information : http://www.arche-hypnosis.com/
The 4 favorite methods of women to achieve clitoral orgasm
Despite scientific advances, female pleasure is still synonymous with mystery. Many studies have investigated the clitoris and its secrets, but never has the word been so free on the subject. It is in this continuity that American researchers compiled the responses of a panel of 3,017 women between the ages of 18 and 93 to make their way the secrets of sexual pleasure and clitoral orgasm. Published in April 2021, this study highlights 4 techniques women use to make vaginal penetration more pleasurable: angling, rocking, shallow penetration, and pairing.
Angling: rotation of the hips during penetration.
For reaching orgasm, women redouble their inventiveness and are experts in little-known methods. Thus, 87.5% of the respondents explained that they made vaginal penetration more pleasurable using the angling technique (which translates as “angling” in French). In practice, this means turning, lifting or lowering the pelvis/hips during penetration to adjust where the penis (or dildo) rubs inside the vagina depending on the sensations and the pleasure experienced.
Rocking: clitoral stimulation
About 76% of women do the More pleasurable vaginal penetration with the rocking technique: the base of a penis or a sex toy. constantly rubbing her clitoris during penetration, stay inside the vagina instead of moving back and forth in and out.
Shallowing: multiply the pleasure by a superficial touch
84% of women resort to superficiality to, once again, increase pleasure during vaginal penetration. Behind this name, which translates into French as “superficial”, hides a pretty shallow touch, penetrating right at the entrance of the vagina. It can be done with the tip of the finger, a toy, the tip of the penis, the tongue, or the lips.
Pairing: have fun alone or with your partner
Finally, 69.7% of women go more often thanks to pairing. This position can be orchestrated alone or in pairs: then we are talking about solo park or of couple matchmaking. The principle is simple: the woman leans over to stimulate her clit with a finger or a sex toy. At the same time, her vagina can be penetrated for even more sensations.
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Breath play or erotic suffocation, a dangerous sexual practice
It is sexual behavior that is controversial. the breathing game which literally means “breath play”, is a form of erotic asphyxiation practiced during sexual intercourse. But its dangerousness is often overlooked.
What is the breathing game?
ends sexual arousal”, defines the English version of Wikipedia. In practice, “erotic asphyxia” consists ofchoking your partner in the middle of a sexual act. However, playing with your breath can be very dangerous, even deadly. “May result in accidental death by suffocation,” the definition says.
However, despite the risk of injury or fainting, this practice has many adherents. A study conducted in 2021 among 4,000 American students indicates that 26.5% of those surveyed had drowned during their last sexual encounter. Another study carried out the same year on other students reveals more worrying figures: 58% of them have already been suffocated by a partner.
Navel play: What is this sexual practice that raises the temperature under the duvet? https://t.co/IsFNfa7plx
— Psychologies (@Psychologies_) September 20, 2022
L’suffocation erotic it is also very popular in BSDM circles. A french website dedicated to this type of sexual practices, explains that this restriction of breathing is “practiced in different ways: hanging, suffocation, placing the head in a plastic bag or strangulation,” reports an article in female earth.
A sexual practice that can be deadly
Very risky, the breathing game was popularized by the porn industry, making it an act in its own right, especially in sexual relations marked by domination. But in reality, the consequences of this sexual practice can be fatal. Too much pressure on the larynx can cause death.
Although there are no official figures on the number of deaths caused by this practice, Grace Millane, a 22-year-old woman, died from it in 2018. Police found traces of strangulation that could correspond to a “four to five minute” suffocation. His partner, Jesse Kempton, was convicted of femicide and sentenced to life in prison. The defense had confided “that the young woman had accidentally died at the end of a sexual game that had gone wrong, a version that had been categorically rejected by the jury,” he recalls. paris party.
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Couple: what your position on the sofa says about your relationship
the posture adopted by couples when they sit on a sofait’s a window into your relationship status. This is the conclusion of a study conducted by Georgina Barnett, a British psychologist, on 2,000 cohabiting couples. “Tell me how you’re sitting, I’ll tell you if everything is fine in your relationship,” says the specialist in an interview with Stylish Maternity.
Sitting next to each other: a sign of imbalance?
While most couples tend to sit on the couch together, there are some pretty subtle signs that it can be signs of relationship problems. When the partners occupy only one corner of the bench and are too close together, this is synonymous with imbalance in your relationship. “The comfortable person in the corner takes up the space, is confident, and has power in the relationship. The other, on the other hand, seems less confident. He is looking for contact and reassurance, ”explains Georgina Barnett.
Couple: How to solidify your relationship with romantic nostalgia https://t.co/cFsJD1IBCT
— Psychologies (@Psychologies_) November 10, 2022
However, there is a nuance when they sit more in the center of the sofa, maintaining physical contact, such as a hand on the thigh or another. “Couples established in this way have trust your relationship and therefore can afford personal space. It is a mixture of intimacy and freedom”, analyzes the psychologist. But although in love, the latter no longer experience the passion of the first days, according to the expert.
When the position on the sofa heralds a crisis
According to the psychologist, time is serious in the event that the two partners are sitting at two different ends. “It’s even worse if her legs are crossed in opposite directions,” she says. This posture is generally a sign of a Tension in the couple. It can also be a sign that something was left unsaid or resentment, according to Georgina Barnett.
And contrary to what one might think, if the partners are based on different bases, distanced from each other, it does not necessarily mean that they are in crisis. can only be couples comfortable enough with each other to have their own space. Although this study is based on a fairly large sample, its conclusions must be taken with caution.
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