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Love: this is what we like at first sight

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What do we like when someone likes us? Is it that person or what we project onto them? Is it the truth of a being or the life we ​​imagine with him? Is it the reality of him or our representation? At the moment of meeting, the first time this person appears in our field of vision, what do we like when we like him? It is not his conception of the world, nor his values, nor his soul, but his unique way of being a body in the world, of detaching himself from everything that surrounds him, in short, his style. A way of moving, of emerging, of pulling away from the indeterminacy of the world. They are forms in motion in the world. But shapes that make sense: “Style, Victor Hugo wrote, is the substance that rises to the surface. He was talking about writing, but that is just as true for human beings.

Every encounter is above all an aesthetic shock. The appearance is not superficial: it is always a symbol of the strange animals that we are; It tells us about something other than itself. Are we attracted to someone because they remind us of something familiar or because they have the charm of the unknown? Is it the known land or the unknown land that awakens our desire? What do we really like? The other one, seriously? Or the simple fact of feeling desires? Furthermore, is it really the other who, with his presence, with his style, awakens our desire? Isn’t this desire always already there: isn’t it primary? But in this case, do we really meet each other when we meet someone? Falling in love with him, isn’t that falling in love with the idea of ​​being in love? When we like someone, we suddenly feel more alive and that’s also what we like so much. But then, what remains of the other? If we take away everything that we project onto him, all our fantasies and representations, but also everything that pleases us for the simple fact that someone pleases us, what remains of the reality of the other? His unconscious of him, with which ours would come into contact? Can be…

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But the question is fundamentally wrong. Among the symbolic animals that we are, it is impossible to dissociate reality from its representations, its “pure” texture from everything we project onto it. We never directly find the real: we first find what it symbolizes for us. We imagine reality the moment we encounter it. We can’t know exactly what we like when we like someone and that’s okay. What pleases us, what pleases us so much, is perhaps even not knowing, not understanding everything. “The heart has its reasons that reason ignores,” Pascal wrote… And yet, don’t we often find ourselves attracted to the same kind of person? For the same kind of beauty? It is then that there is something to understand, something in any case that returns, that is repeated and that pleases us. Something of our truth that is in question in this attraction, in this curiosity that always insists in the same direction: something of oneself, so complex but also so simple, that is at stake when the other pleases us.

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Family / Couple

The 4 favorite methods of women to achieve clitoral orgasm

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Despite scientific advances, female pleasure is still synonymous with mystery. Many studies have investigated the clitoris and its secrets, but never has the word been so free on the subject. It is in this continuity that American researchers compiled the responses of a panel of 3,017 women between the ages of 18 and 93 to make their way the secrets of sexual pleasure and clitoral orgasm. Published in April 2021, this study highlights 4 techniques women use to make vaginal penetration more pleasurable: angling, rocking, shallow penetration, and pairing.

Shallowing: multiply the pleasure by a superficial touch

84% of women resort to superficiality to, once again, increase pleasure during vaginal penetration. Behind this name, which translates into French as “superficial”, hides a pretty shallow touch, penetrating right at the entrance of the vagina. It can be done with the tip of the finger, a toy, the tip of the penis, the tongue, or the lips.

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Breath play or erotic suffocation, a dangerous sexual practice

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It is sexual behavior that is controversial. the breathing game which literally means “breath play”, is a form of erotic asphyxiation practiced during sexual intercourse. But its dangerousness is often overlooked.

What is the breathing game?

ends sexual arousal”, defines the English version of Wikipedia. In practice, “erotic asphyxia” consists ofchoking your partner in the middle of a sexual act. However, playing with your breath can be very dangerous, even deadly. “May result in accidental death by suffocation,” the definition says.

However, despite the risk of injury or fainting, this practice has many adherents. A study conducted in 2021 among 4,000 American students indicates that 26.5% of those surveyed had drowned during their last sexual encounter. Another study carried out the same year on other students reveals more worrying figures: 58% of them have already been suffocated by a partner.

L’suffocation erotic it is also very popular in BSDM circles. A french website dedicated to this type of sexual practices, explains that this restriction of breathing is “practiced in different ways: hanging, suffocation, placing the head in a plastic bag or strangulation,” reports an article in female earth.

A sexual practice that can be deadly

Very risky, the breathing game was popularized by the porn industry, making it an act in its own right, especially in sexual relations marked by domination. But in reality, the consequences of this sexual practice can be fatal. Too much pressure on the larynx can cause death.

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Although there are no official figures on the number of deaths caused by this practice, Grace Millane, a 22-year-old woman, died from it in 2018. Police found traces of strangulation that could correspond to a “four to five minute” suffocation. His partner, Jesse Kempton, was convicted of femicide and sentenced to life in prison. The defense had confided “that the young woman had accidentally died at the end of a sexual game that had gone wrong, a version that had been categorically rejected by the jury,” he recalls. paris party.

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Family / Couple

Couple: what your position on the sofa says about your relationship

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the posture adopted by couples when they sit on a sofait’s a window into your relationship status. This is the conclusion of a study conducted by Georgina Barnett, a British psychologist, on 2,000 cohabiting couples. “Tell me how you’re sitting, I’ll tell you if everything is fine in your relationship,” says the specialist in an interview with Stylish Maternity.

Sitting next to each other: a sign of imbalance?

While most couples tend to sit on the couch together, there are some pretty subtle signs that it can be signs of relationship problems. When the partners occupy only one corner of the bench and are too close together, this is synonymous with imbalance in your relationship. “The comfortable person in the corner takes up the space, is confident, and has power in the relationship. The other, on the other hand, seems less confident. He is looking for contact and reassurance, ”explains Georgina Barnett.

However, there is a nuance when they sit more in the center of the sofa, maintaining physical contact, such as a hand on the thigh or another. “Couples established in this way have trust your relationship and therefore can afford personal space. It is a mixture of intimacy and freedom”, analyzes the psychologist. But although in love, the latter no longer experience the passion of the first days, according to the expert.

When the position on the sofa heralds a crisis

According to the psychologist, time is serious in the event that the two partners are sitting at two different ends. “It’s even worse if her legs are crossed in opposite directions,” she says. This posture is generally a sign of a Tension in the couple. It can also be a sign that something was left unsaid or resentment, according to Georgina Barnett.

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And contrary to what one might think, if the partners are based on different bases, distanced from each other, it does not necessarily mean that they are in crisis. can only be couples comfortable enough with each other to have their own space. Although this study is based on a fairly large sample, its conclusions must be taken with caution.

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