Family / Couple
Does a bandaged relationship allow you to recover from a breakup?
Faced with sadness, with hundreds of questions -what did I do? How am I going to get out of this?-, with the emptiness left by the other, seeking comfort in the arms of others seems to be the only remedy at hand. If each breakup is different, some need to recover from several weeks, months, even years because a breakup is not just a goodbye to a person. We say goodbye At the couple, habits, married life, tenderness, memories and all the good that the relationship has brought. The story is now told in the past tense and that is what is difficult to accept.
“A new love drives out the old” goes the saying, but in this painful “after”, is a blindfolded relationship necessarily good? Will he be able to heal the wound more easily?
If it’s posible. “The person we meet after a painful breakup, this person who gets dressed, will allow us to protect this open wound after the separation, to heal more easily,” explains Fabienne Kraemer, psychoanalyst and author of the book. 21 keys to slow love.
Like a bandage applied to a cut, the bandage partner will play the role of restore trust, to help and alleviate the mourning of the breakup. But for this relationship to be a future, we still have to be clear about the reasons that motivate us.
boost your ego
Staying and finding ourselves alone overnight can cause us to lose confidence in ourselves. The breakup has the power to make you doubt who you are. Finding a new partner directly will help to regain self-confidence, and will reaffirm our power of seduction.
This new relationship will revitalize us. “It will also allow for a physical and sexual transition, adds Fabienne Kraemer. You leave your old relationship and lose yourself for a while in a new one. There will, therefore, be a before and an after, which will allow us to move forward. »
get revenge on your ex
Ah, resentment, it’s tenacious… Being dumped, or even dumped on someone, always leaves a bitter taste. So turning to someone new also serves to send a message to your ex: “Look, I don’t need you, I already found someone better.” “A band-aid relationship also serves to make your ex jealous. With social media, the effect is amplified. is not far from the driving”.
A doomed relationship?
The most important thing if you want to give this new relationship a chance is to be honest with yourself and with the person with whom you will share your life, even if it is for a short time.
“A blindfolded relationship can last but it will not be a passionate relationship, but a reasoned relationship, but reasoned relationships are no less good. Being in a reasoned relationship allows you to project yourself. There is a tacit agreement not to make us suffer in this type of relationship”, confesses the psychoanalyst.
But beware of people who try, even unconsciously, to repeat the same pattern of love. When a person re-starts a relationship with a man or woman who is too similar to their ex, the bandaging relationship is doomed because it will prevent them from mourning the old relationship.
Did you start a bandage relationship, you thought you would not become attached but you realize that you want to continue with this relationship? “Ask yourself if your partner can project themselves. Does he get involved in projects, does he talk about the future or, on the contrary, does he not see a future with you? “advises Fabienne Kraemer. If the answer is yes, you are on the right track!
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Forming projects, maintaining rituals… Longevity in love requires giving the best of oneself and respecting some relational principles. Fabienne Kraemer’s recipe, psychoanalyst and author of “21 Keys to Slow Love” (PUF).
Tinker Bell fairies are bright and ambitious women who also happen to be great seductresses and manipulators. Eternally dissatisfied, the Clochettes hide, behind their obsession with appearance and success, great suffering. And they would be more and more numerous in our society. Explanations with psychotherapist Sylvie Tenenbaum.
He receives more and more in his office: brilliant women, who collect successes and professional achievements; hyperactive people who seek to control everything, starting with themselves; The “superwomen” doubled as great seductresses. So much so that Sylvie Tenenbaum, a psychotherapist, called them “Les Clochette”, in reference to the little fairy imagined by the writer James M. Barrie, with whom they share much in common. Starting with great suffering. We knew about the Peter Pan syndrome, or that of Cinderella or that of Sleeping Beauty. Now here is the tinkerbell syndrome.
The Bells are angry
Ambitious, often arrogant, perfectionists… The bells are ready to do anything to achieve their ends. “They are in a form of violence in front of life, because they take a form of revenge, analyzes Sylvie Tenenbaum. It’s also about revenge, in a difficult childhood, where they were often criticized, abused, humiliated, manipulated. During this, they stored a good dose of anger. And anger is energy, which they will later channel towards professional and social success. »
” He symptoms of tinker bell syndrome form a coherent whole, explains Sylvie Tenenbaum. We speak of syndrome when we recognize most of these signs in a single personality. »
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Perfectionism takes away the joy of living
Being ambitious is good. But when our desire to do better becomes a relentless will, it can cause harm.
The Clochettes are afraid of their emotions.
Tinkerbell fairies are women who have suffered a lot during their childhood. Of toxic fathers, possessive or self-centered mothers, misogynistic or absent fathers… “Most of the time they did not have the same permissions as their brothers, if they did, they did not value them as girls, or they raised them to be the first all. hour. So they told themselves that to be loved, you had to be successful. And above all, that they should not express their emotions. Which constitute, for them, real weaknesses. “They are afraid of them because they think they can take away their strength. And strength, it is true that they have a lot.
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How to manage the hassle?
Sometimes we react inappropriately and negatively when faced with a nuisance. However, it is not always pleasant either for oneself or for those around you.
Clochettes are great seducers
In terms of affective life, the Clochette multiply the encounters and conquests. But they are rarely satisfied. “The men they meet are never good enough. And since they do not have an easy character, at the slightest disappointment they are immediately fired. They have been so frustrated in the past that they cannot bear the slightest annoyance.
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I don’t like any man
I am 27 years old and almost no stable and constructive relationship. Every time I meet someone, I run away.
In fact, they despise men, having suffered greatly from their father during their childhood. Therefore, they just expect them to be worshipped. But in reality, the Tinkerbell suffers from a form of emotional dependency. “They are still little girls waiting to be loved unconditionally. Very unconsciously, they expect men to repair their psycho-affective life. But it can’t work because nobody can give them what they didn’t receive in childhood”.
The Tinkerbells hurt each other
Their affective, professional and social hyperactivity allows them in any case one thing: not to think about their suffering. Because if the Clochettes seem to succeed at everything, they are actually suffering. Injure. Victims of themselves. “They don’t know who they are. They didn’t even ask the question. They just live to prove that they are the best, the most beautiful, the strongest. They are in a form of intoxication. Most of the time, they realize very late the loneliness in which they are locked up. And then they become aware of their immense sadness for not having been loved enough or badly.
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Childhood stress, difficult to detect and often underestimated
Just like adults, children can become unsettled and stressed by changes in landmarks or unusual events.
The bells hurt
Meanwhile, they do a lot of damage to those around them. For this egocentric womeninsensitive, manipulative, tyrannical and jealous, “others are objects at his service”. They don’t respect them. They would like the world to live just for them. We have been tyrannical with them for so long. Unfortunately, they copied their models. But this damage that they do and that they do to themselves, they don’t even realize.
We talked about it in the Psychology forum 
tinker bells can break free
Fortunately, the Clochettes can change, “live better, have less heartbreak.” On condition of being helped. “It is a difficult path because it generates a lot of awareness. In particular that of having made others suffer. Generally, they are not proud of it. »
The key to transformation? “The repair of the girl that is in them and that she is still waiting for marks of love. It’s time to cultivate it”. Also renounce omnipotence, to meet your own emotions. And above all, “learn to love yourself better, to love yourself better”.
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Read
Bell syndrome. These women who hurt and get hurtby Sylvie Tenenbaum, Editions du Moment.
A healthy relationship is based on trust, sincere feelings, and a certain amount of personal sacrifice. But the recipe for happiness as a couple does not exist and human relationships are so complex that lovers can sometimes go through some storms. Of the routine small annoyances that can even destroy the intimacy of the couple, the discussions sometimes result from particular behaviors : love kills them. As its name indicates, a love killer is the trigger for a breakup or the end of love. This is what makes a person stop wanting her partner.
Australian researchers have investigated the question to scientifically identify the behaviors that could be the worst killers of love. To do this, they conducted a survey of 5,500 single people between the ages of 21 and 76. Participants had to determine what could turn them off in a potential mate (physical characteristics, behavior, etc.). Result: three answers stand out from the majority of the panel, allowing us to define the most devastating love killers.
lack of hygiene
If the lack of hygiene is the the most frequent reason for rupture would be the “murderous love” most feared by those surveyed. Not to mention the extreme neglect, symptomatic of Diogenes syndrome, 67% of the participants pointed out a lack of hygiene that could end the relationship.
Breakup: how long does it take to mourn a relationship? https://t.co/qPs0Vpb9Ed
— Psychologies (@Psychologies_) November 21, 2022
the procrastination
A permanent need for affection.
Finally, it is the excessive need for affection that, for 69% of women and 57% of men, can endanger a love relationship. People who constantly seek attention and displays of affection from your partner You may face relationship difficulties. Therefore, it is important to leave enough space so as not to undermine the other person’s sense of freedom. Lack of affection, also characteristic of Tinkerbell syndrome can be a sign of lack of self confidencewhich must be repaired at no cost to the member.
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