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Couple: why the current period is more conducive to separation

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After an idyll by the sea, simple reunions for two or even several more or less fruitful encounters, the magic of summer ends and it is back to school that begins. If the mood can turn somber when it comes to going back to work and returning to a professional living environment and routine, it is particularly felt in couples. In fact, according to Camille Rochet, guest couples therapist on Europe 1’s Bienfait pour vous program, the breakup is more likely to happen in September.

The role of vacations in the breakup

There may be a contrast between our expectations and reality. When it comes to holidays and it seems important, it can be a sign that the breakup is near. In fact, according to Camille Rochet: “Couples expect vacations to be an opportunity to unwind and reconnect. So there is a very high expectation around the holidays, often with disappointment.” She adds that she can add “a feeling of not having enough rest.” So frustration, disappointment, and restlessness are likely to spread when you return from vacation. The couple then wonders about their relationship by issuing negative questions and judgments and the breakup explodes.

On the contrary, if the holidays have gone especially well, the contrast with everyday life, in this case, can be terrible at the beginning of the school year. The psychologist illustrates: “We tell ourselves that day to day is going to devour our relationship as a couple and we are invaded by all the burdens we have on a day to day basis,” the psychologist explains from the start.

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Secrets discovered during the summer

Spending time together during the holidays also rhymes with discovery, sometimes beautiful, sometimes less so. It is possible that a compromising secret about one of the two partners resurfaces during a moment shared together. “In my office, people come in for infidelity a lot,” says Camille Rochet. “Many times it is the discovery, during the holidays, of an infidelity through a cell phone that has been thrown away.”

If it seems that there is more risk of a break in September, obviously this is not the case for everyone. For some it may just be a few arguments, which are far from harmful, according to the therapist: “I even worry about couples who come to me and say ‘it’s been 15 years, everything is going very well, we never fight'”. “It may be a sign that you haven’t told yourself enough,” she concludes.

References

“Why do so many couples break up during the month of September?”, Europe 1, September 2, 2022

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How do you deal with breakups? – TAKE THE TEST

“There it is finished…”. When a story ends, when a being leaves us or when a collaboration suddenly ends, we often live the painful experience of breaking up. However, not all of us react in the same way to these essential moments of existence: hasty precipitation, refuge in the past, expression of sadness or anger… A whole range of reactions linked to our personality. And you? Can you turn the page? do it Test for the knowledge

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Family / Couple

Breath play or erotic suffocation, a dangerous sexual practice

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It is sexual behavior that is controversial. the breathing game which literally means “breath play”, is a form of erotic asphyxiation practiced during sexual intercourse. But its dangerousness is often overlooked.

What is the breathing game?

ends sexual arousal”, defines the English version of Wikipedia. In practice, “erotic asphyxia” consists ofchoking your partner in the middle of a sexual act. However, playing with your breath can be very dangerous, even deadly. “May result in accidental death by suffocation,” the definition says.

However, despite the risk of injury or fainting, this practice has many adherents. A study conducted in 2021 among 4,000 American students indicates that 26.5% of those surveyed had drowned during their last sexual encounter. Another study carried out the same year on other students reveals more worrying figures: 58% of them have already been suffocated by a partner.

L’suffocation erotic it is also very popular in BSDM circles. A french website dedicated to this type of sexual practices, explains that this restriction of breathing is “practiced in different ways: hanging, suffocation, placing the head in a plastic bag or strangulation,” reports an article in female earth.

A sexual practice that can be deadly

Very risky, the breathing game was popularized by the porn industry, making it an act in its own right, especially in sexual relations marked by domination. But in reality, the consequences of this sexual practice can be fatal. Too much pressure on the larynx can cause death.

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Although there are no official figures on the number of deaths caused by this practice, Grace Millane, a 22-year-old woman, died from it in 2018. Police found traces of strangulation that could correspond to a “four to five minute” suffocation. His partner, Jesse Kempton, was convicted of femicide and sentenced to life in prison. The defense had confided “that the young woman had accidentally died at the end of a sexual game that had gone wrong, a version that had been categorically rejected by the jury,” he recalls. paris party.

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Couple: what your position on the sofa says about your relationship

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the posture adopted by couples when they sit on a sofait’s a window into your relationship status. This is the conclusion of a study conducted by Georgina Barnett, a British psychologist, on 2,000 cohabiting couples. “Tell me how you’re sitting, I’ll tell you if everything is fine in your relationship,” says the specialist in an interview with Stylish Maternity.

Sitting next to each other: a sign of imbalance?

While most couples tend to sit on the couch together, there are some pretty subtle signs that it can be signs of relationship problems. When the partners occupy only one corner of the bench and are too close together, this is synonymous with imbalance in your relationship. “The comfortable person in the corner takes up the space, is confident, and has power in the relationship. The other, on the other hand, seems less confident. He is looking for contact and reassurance, ”explains Georgina Barnett.

However, there is a nuance when they sit more in the center of the sofa, maintaining physical contact, such as a hand on the thigh or another. “Couples established in this way have trust your relationship and therefore can afford personal space. It is a mixture of intimacy and freedom”, analyzes the psychologist. But although in love, the latter no longer experience the passion of the first days, according to the expert.

When the position on the sofa heralds a crisis

According to the psychologist, time is serious in the event that the two partners are sitting at two different ends. “It’s even worse if her legs are crossed in opposite directions,” she says. This posture is generally a sign of a Tension in the couple. It can also be a sign that something was left unsaid or resentment, according to Georgina Barnett.

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And contrary to what one might think, if the partners are based on different bases, distanced from each other, it does not necessarily mean that they are in crisis. can only be couples comfortable enough with each other to have their own space. Although this study is based on a fairly large sample, its conclusions must be taken with caution.

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The Relationship Escalator: Are You Following This Conventional Love Pattern?

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Dating, formalizing your relationship, living together, getting married and having children. Many people perceive this life path map as the ultimate blueprint. This diagram has a name: the relationship escalator. The goal of those who take it is to peak by aging together, after checking a certain number of boxes.

What is a “relationship escalator”?

This expression designates a love pattern widespread, but increasingly questioned within society. The Urban DictionaryThe bible of slang and popular expressions defines the relationship ladder as “the societal expectation that a romantic relationship should automatically follow a set of stages and lead to marriage, parenthood, and home ownership.”

Amy Gahran, author of Off the Relationship Escalator, Uncommon Love and Life, was the first to mention this concept. She explains that this notion is “a standard by which most people assess whether an intimate relationship that develops is meaningful, serious, good, healthy, committed, or worth pursuing or maintaining.” In other words, the escalator of the relationship denotes ME’set of beliefs that perceive the most conventional pattern of love as the most rewarding and valued. This concept is made up of several steps that can vary depending on the culture. But they generally follow this timeline:

• Flirt for a few weeks/months

• Becoming sexually and emotionally exclusive

• Introduce your partner to loved ones

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• Live together

• Get married or settle down

• Acquire real estate

• Have children

• Get old together

A satisfactory relational schema if it is not imposed

There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking this kind of path of love if it makes us happy. Instead, what can be problematic is imposing it on others as an absolute norm and the only valid model. Pointing fingers at this practice is also a way of denouncing the constant pressure on singles and couples who do not formalize their civil unions.

Gabrielle Smith, an author and poet who is very sensitive to issues related to sexuality and romantic relationships, analyzes this practice in an article by granist “The relationship escalator is designed for heterosexual relationships between singles and preferably for relationships within a two-income middle-class household. Many people are not part of this demographic, and those who are still feel the pressure it brings. »

If this mandate can affect all genders, it is particularly intense when it comes to heterosexual women. “Society makes you think it’s easy to get married, have children, or combine finances. But the reality for many is that it is neither possible nor smart”, concludes Gabrielle Smith.

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