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Breakup: 3 cognitive strategies to forget your ex



A pain caused by difficult breakup it can take months to fade. And if the regulation of love feeling is not an exact science, there would nevertheless be a way to attenuate it. Researchers from the University of Missouri-St Louis have investigated the matter.

Forget your ex in three steps

To develop their theory, the team of researchers, led by Professor Sarah Langeslag, studied a sample of 24 people, aged between 20 and 37 years. they all came from experience a breakup after a history of an average of two and a half years.

The scientists subjected them individually to three different cognitive strategies to estimate which method was the most effective in forgetting a loved one.

The first of them is him “negative ruminationIt simply consists of thinking negatively about your ex by insisting on his flaws. The second technique is that of “the reappraisal of romantic feelings” and is explained by the fact of accepting these persistent feelings that we have towards our partner. The idea is to make peace with this past love. Finally, the last one is based on the distraction of the mind To avoid concentrating on your love pain.

The researchers then exposed the participants to a photo of the ex in question and studied their neural activity. Thus they have managed to establish a ranking of the most effective strategies to forget an ex. They published their findings on the website. Journal of Experimental Psychologyin May 2018.

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Is there a more effective technique than another to forget a relationship?

Before continuing, it is essential to understand that we are not all sensitive to the same methods. The study shows, however, that one strategy is more effective than the others, according to those surveyed. This is the first. Thinking negatively about their exes would have created a reduced feelings of love what they were experiencing. But the researchers also found that this method had a marked effect on their good humor.

The second method did not reduce the subjects’ love interest, but it did attenuate their emotional response. The third proposed solution put the participants in a good mood, but had no other benefits. “Distraction is a form of evasion that reduces recovery after a breakup. Therefore, this method should perhaps remain a short-term survival mechanism,” the study explains.

It would seem that negative revaluation is an effective solution to gradually erase the feeling of lovewhile distraction is more of a complementary strategy to clear the mind and get out of rumination.

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Family / Couple

The 4 favorite methods of women to achieve clitoral orgasm



Despite scientific advances, female pleasure is still synonymous with mystery. Many studies have investigated the clitoris and its secrets, but never has the word been so free on the subject. It is in this continuity that American researchers compiled the responses of a panel of 3,017 women between the ages of 18 and 93 to make their way the secrets of sexual pleasure and clitoral orgasm. Published in April 2021, this study highlights 4 techniques women use to make vaginal penetration more pleasurable: angling, rocking, shallow penetration, and pairing.

Shallowing: multiply the pleasure by a superficial touch

84% of women resort to superficiality to, once again, increase pleasure during vaginal penetration. Behind this name, which translates into French as “superficial”, hides a pretty shallow touch, penetrating right at the entrance of the vagina. It can be done with the tip of the finger, a toy, the tip of the penis, the tongue, or the lips.

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Family / Couple

Breath play or erotic suffocation, a dangerous sexual practice



It is sexual behavior that is controversial. the breathing game which literally means “breath play”, is a form of erotic asphyxiation practiced during sexual intercourse. But its dangerousness is often overlooked.

What is the breathing game?

ends sexual arousal”, defines the English version of Wikipedia. In practice, “erotic asphyxia” consists ofchoking your partner in the middle of a sexual act. However, playing with your breath can be very dangerous, even deadly. “May result in accidental death by suffocation,” the definition says.

However, despite the risk of injury or fainting, this practice has many adherents. A study conducted in 2021 among 4,000 American students indicates that 26.5% of those surveyed had drowned during their last sexual encounter. Another study carried out the same year on other students reveals more worrying figures: 58% of them have already been suffocated by a partner.

L’suffocation erotic it is also very popular in BSDM circles. A french website dedicated to this type of sexual practices, explains that this restriction of breathing is “practiced in different ways: hanging, suffocation, placing the head in a plastic bag or strangulation,” reports an article in female earth.

A sexual practice that can be deadly

Very risky, the breathing game was popularized by the porn industry, making it an act in its own right, especially in sexual relations marked by domination. But in reality, the consequences of this sexual practice can be fatal. Too much pressure on the larynx can cause death.

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Although there are no official figures on the number of deaths caused by this practice, Grace Millane, a 22-year-old woman, died from it in 2018. Police found traces of strangulation that could correspond to a “four to five minute” suffocation. His partner, Jesse Kempton, was convicted of femicide and sentenced to life in prison. The defense had confided “that the young woman had accidentally died at the end of a sexual game that had gone wrong, a version that had been categorically rejected by the jury,” he recalls. paris party.

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Family / Couple

Couple: what your position on the sofa says about your relationship



the posture adopted by couples when they sit on a sofait’s a window into your relationship status. This is the conclusion of a study conducted by Georgina Barnett, a British psychologist, on 2,000 cohabiting couples. “Tell me how you’re sitting, I’ll tell you if everything is fine in your relationship,” says the specialist in an interview with Stylish Maternity.

Sitting next to each other: a sign of imbalance?

While most couples tend to sit on the couch together, there are some pretty subtle signs that it can be signs of relationship problems. When the partners occupy only one corner of the bench and are too close together, this is synonymous with imbalance in your relationship. “The comfortable person in the corner takes up the space, is confident, and has power in the relationship. The other, on the other hand, seems less confident. He is looking for contact and reassurance, ”explains Georgina Barnett.

However, there is a nuance when they sit more in the center of the sofa, maintaining physical contact, such as a hand on the thigh or another. “Couples established in this way have trust your relationship and therefore can afford personal space. It is a mixture of intimacy and freedom”, analyzes the psychologist. But although in love, the latter no longer experience the passion of the first days, according to the expert.

When the position on the sofa heralds a crisis

According to the psychologist, time is serious in the event that the two partners are sitting at two different ends. “It’s even worse if her legs are crossed in opposite directions,” she says. This posture is generally a sign of a Tension in the couple. It can also be a sign that something was left unsaid or resentment, according to Georgina Barnett.

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And contrary to what one might think, if the partners are based on different bases, distanced from each other, it does not necessarily mean that they are in crisis. can only be couples comfortable enough with each other to have their own space. Although this study is based on a fairly large sample, its conclusions must be taken with caution.

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