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6 Behaviors That Show He Doesn’t Like You For The Right Reasons

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No love is 100% generous and altruistic, but some choices are driven by self-interest and fueled by manipulation. It’s best to identify toxic behaviors before you get caught up in a potentially damaging relationship.

With the collaboration of Anne-Marie Benoît, psychoanalyst.

It is no secret that love is a complex feeling, full of ambivalence. Feelings and emotions such as jealousy, envy, rivalry, as well as hatred, coexist with altruism, empathy, generosity and love, of course. That said, some relationships, some ties are less generous, less beneficial than others, some are even toxic because they are built, more or less consciously, on solely egocentric choices. This is the case when the other chooses us mainly to use us as medicine to restore or satisfy his narcissism and serve his own interests. It is not always easy to discern these motivations because our desire to be happy, in love, as well as our fear of loneliness, can cloud the reflection and interfere with perceptions. Negative experiences and past conditioning that lead to repeating abusive affective scenarios can also explain why we may find ourselves stuck in a relationship where the other loves us primarily for the wrong reasons.

1- He especially likes the power he has over you

Your role: the little mouse

Some people compensate for their narcissistic weaknesses (lack of self-confidence or self-esteem) by gaining power over others, such as their partner. This taking of power can manifest itself in various ways: creating an atmosphere of diffuse fear by going from hot to cold, ridiculing the other under the guise of humor, systematically pointing out (supposedly for their own good) their mistakes, their “flaws” , his weaknesses, instead of valuing and/or supporting him, devaluing his initiatives, his friends, his work without seeming to touch them.

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You got it, this dominant advances in mask, brilliantly handling the passive aggressiveness and becoming a victim of the other’s evil spirit if the other ever tries to rebel or question you.

2- He is especially in love with the love you have for him

Your role: the groupie

He delights in your attentions, your listening, your support and your admiration, without exactly reciprocating. He often asks you how you found him in this or that situation, tells you about the slightest compliment he receives at work or in other relationships. When you try to ask him questions about yourself to find out if he is really interested in you, if he really knows you, you hear him respond with generalities, approximations. When he gives you gifts, he manages to pull the blanket towards himself, highlighting his generosity, his ingenuity in rinsing the gift that is yours. It’s always up to him, because in the end what he needs is a groupie.

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3- He especially likes to stand out at your expense

Your role: the bad cop

Role play is present in all relationships. We know the parental duo “good cop/bad cop” or, in society, the extrovert and the introvert, etc. It happens that we are attached to a label that not only does not seem to correspond to what we are; but that devalues ​​us, cuts our wings, alters the image we have of ourselves and that others also have of us. He (she) who distinguishes himself at our expense generally projects onto us characteristics present in him and that he does not appreciate. These characteristics may be present in us, but they are exaggerated to create a positive contrast effect with him. For example, the one who wants to be perceived as creative, unpredictable, artistic will load the other with opposite characteristics: rigid, stagnant, conformist, predictable, etc. These same people, it should be noted, generally reject responsibility for their mistakes or their failures in the other.

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4- He is especially afraid of being alone

Your role: the stuffed animal

He/she may have experienced repeated emotional failures, or been a victim of childhood abuse. Her biggest fear is being alone. To preserve the other, all means are good. The most common: an altruism that reaches the self-sacrifice and sacrifice and a chameleon behavior. More or less consciously, he blends into the universe (cultural, social, professional) of her partner to give her the feeling that they are destined for each other, even that he is the only one who can fulfill in all aspects. He anticipates all your desires, showers you with attention of all kinds, defends your causes, your opinions and your passions, while doing everything possible to hide his pathological jealousy. It doesn’t matter who he chooses or who chooses him, what matters to him is not being left behind.

5- Seek above all comfort

Your role: the parent cake

You may seek material comfort or relational comfort. In both cases, his true desire is to face as little as possible what he dislikes: a way of life considered too modest, professional limitations, a relationship that is too demanding… He is convinced that life must give gifts, this is often the case of children who have been adored without reason, adorned with all the qualities without having to prove themselves. Some figures of the genre: the pseudo-artist who will never finish his novel or his symphony, the handsome man or the beautiful woman convinced that his physique is a substantial dowry, or even the one who does not want to take the lead or be “controlled” in a If you question his behavior or motivation, he manages to make you feel petty, materialistic, controlling, or pathologically jealous.

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6- Above all, take care of your image thanks to you

Your role: the trophy

Your name, your image, your talent, your look, your notoriety… That’s what interests him in the foreground. Either to reinforce an already positive image of him, or to compensate for his complexes. Either way, it’s what you look like or what you have that he wants. He talks about it a lot, he highlights this characteristic, he highlights it in public, which does not prevent some from being dangerously ambivalent and making you pay (irony, humiliation, etc.) for what they admire or covet in you. The rest, your emotions, your opinions, your needs, your personal desires do not really interest him, he is never curious or asks about them.

==> Challenge yourself!

Will your partner last? Where exactly are you in your relationship? Is it stable and solid? Or fragile and threatened?

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Family / Couple

The 4 favorite methods of women to achieve clitoral orgasm

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Despite scientific advances, female pleasure is still synonymous with mystery. Many studies have investigated the clitoris and its secrets, but never has the word been so free on the subject. It is in this continuity that American researchers compiled the responses of a panel of 3,017 women between the ages of 18 and 93 to make their way the secrets of sexual pleasure and clitoral orgasm. Published in April 2021, this study highlights 4 techniques women use to make vaginal penetration more pleasurable: angling, rocking, shallow penetration, and pairing.

Shallowing: multiply the pleasure by a superficial touch

84% of women resort to superficiality to, once again, increase pleasure during vaginal penetration. Behind this name, which translates into French as “superficial”, hides a pretty shallow touch, penetrating right at the entrance of the vagina. It can be done with the tip of the finger, a toy, the tip of the penis, the tongue, or the lips.

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Breath play or erotic suffocation, a dangerous sexual practice

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It is sexual behavior that is controversial. the breathing game which literally means “breath play”, is a form of erotic asphyxiation practiced during sexual intercourse. But its dangerousness is often overlooked.

What is the breathing game?

ends sexual arousal”, defines the English version of Wikipedia. In practice, “erotic asphyxia” consists ofchoking your partner in the middle of a sexual act. However, playing with your breath can be very dangerous, even deadly. “May result in accidental death by suffocation,” the definition says.

However, despite the risk of injury or fainting, this practice has many adherents. A study conducted in 2021 among 4,000 American students indicates that 26.5% of those surveyed had drowned during their last sexual encounter. Another study carried out the same year on other students reveals more worrying figures: 58% of them have already been suffocated by a partner.

L’suffocation erotic it is also very popular in BSDM circles. A french website dedicated to this type of sexual practices, explains that this restriction of breathing is “practiced in different ways: hanging, suffocation, placing the head in a plastic bag or strangulation,” reports an article in female earth.

A sexual practice that can be deadly

Very risky, the breathing game was popularized by the porn industry, making it an act in its own right, especially in sexual relations marked by domination. But in reality, the consequences of this sexual practice can be fatal. Too much pressure on the larynx can cause death.

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Although there are no official figures on the number of deaths caused by this practice, Grace Millane, a 22-year-old woman, died from it in 2018. Police found traces of strangulation that could correspond to a “four to five minute” suffocation. His partner, Jesse Kempton, was convicted of femicide and sentenced to life in prison. The defense had confided “that the young woman had accidentally died at the end of a sexual game that had gone wrong, a version that had been categorically rejected by the jury,” he recalls. paris party.

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Family / Couple

Couple: what your position on the sofa says about your relationship

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the posture adopted by couples when they sit on a sofait’s a window into your relationship status. This is the conclusion of a study conducted by Georgina Barnett, a British psychologist, on 2,000 cohabiting couples. “Tell me how you’re sitting, I’ll tell you if everything is fine in your relationship,” says the specialist in an interview with Stylish Maternity.

Sitting next to each other: a sign of imbalance?

While most couples tend to sit on the couch together, there are some pretty subtle signs that it can be signs of relationship problems. When the partners occupy only one corner of the bench and are too close together, this is synonymous with imbalance in your relationship. “The comfortable person in the corner takes up the space, is confident, and has power in the relationship. The other, on the other hand, seems less confident. He is looking for contact and reassurance, ”explains Georgina Barnett.

However, there is a nuance when they sit more in the center of the sofa, maintaining physical contact, such as a hand on the thigh or another. “Couples established in this way have trust your relationship and therefore can afford personal space. It is a mixture of intimacy and freedom”, analyzes the psychologist. But although in love, the latter no longer experience the passion of the first days, according to the expert.

When the position on the sofa heralds a crisis

According to the psychologist, time is serious in the event that the two partners are sitting at two different ends. “It’s even worse if her legs are crossed in opposite directions,” she says. This posture is generally a sign of a Tension in the couple. It can also be a sign that something was left unsaid or resentment, according to Georgina Barnett.

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And contrary to what one might think, if the partners are based on different bases, distanced from each other, it does not necessarily mean that they are in crisis. can only be couples comfortable enough with each other to have their own space. Although this study is based on a fairly large sample, its conclusions must be taken with caution.

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