1. Separate yourself from your own dream experience

“Some parents tell me, with great emotion, that they have too many traumatic memories of when they were little, faced with the loneliness of the dodo”says Clémence Prompsy. This bad experience of adults in childhood can have consequences on the child’s sleep. They can’t stand putting their own children in sleep conditions that have been traumatic for them (sleeping with the door closed, being alone, being in the dark, etc.). Faced with this unconscious memory that arises, you should not feel guilty: it is not your fault, the authors say.

To overcome this blockade, the solution, according to them, is not to be too demanding, with oneself and with the child. “The perfect father does not exist”, support the two authors, simply, “He is at peace with his imperfections”. It is difficult to be perfectly adapted to your child: being a parent is an eternal questioning.

2. Create a ritual

A baby’s toolbox isn’t very well stocked, so a good ritual will do half the job for parents. “The dream ritual will appeal to psychology and physiognomy, it is conditioning! », explain the two authors. Specifically, it is about establishing small habits, such as singing the same song or touching the tip of the child’s nose with the same cloth every night.

After a few weeks, simply whispering the words to the song or rubbing the cloth over the child’s nose will soothe him. These soft gestures allow the little ones to release well-being hormones that will promote relaxation and therefore sleep. The rest, “If every time you go to bed your child maintains the same habits, he will always expect to sleep and his brain will automatically say ‘I already know the rest, in the end they will put me in my bed’”, explains Clémence Prompsy. For a child, having a routine is very reassuring.

3. Be firm from the beginning of the night

“The best advice to gain firmness, without ceasing to be benevolent, is to get angry before getting really angry”say the two psychologists. In parenthood, benevolence is sometimes confused with patience. But when a parent runs out of patience, it can explode. “And unfortunately, it is anything but benevolent because it will also become a conditioning for the child. He will know that mom repeats ‘come on, it’s time to sleep’ five times before coming to pick him up and argue with him.”explains Clémence Prompsy.

The child’s sleep is preparing, of course during the day, but especially from the beginning of the night. Knowing how to stay steady from the bath or meal, for example, is important for the rest of the bedtime process.

In the long term, to maintain your benevolence, it is better to give yourself moments of respite to rest and recharge your batteries. Parents should also take into account its pace and possible discomfort. It’s impossible to focus solely on your child’s needs and pace. When things aren’t going well, it’s important to get outside for some fresh air, to set aside an hour for yourself or to see your friends. This will help to be a balanced and agreeable parent.

4. Anticipate before you get angry

When a parent notices that it is already the third time that he is angry about the same thing, he must anticipate the fourth time. Before putting his child to bed, it’s important to get the message across and calmly explain that he doesn’t want to be angry anymore. To do this, explaining to him in simple words what is wrong and finding compromises can be a solution. “If you don’t want to explode for the umpteenth time, it is better to verbalize in advance what is wrong and thus anticipate the next one”adds Clémence Prompsy.

5. Apologize if you got carried away

A parent can sometimes seem like the “bad boy” when they get angry. Before going to bed, feel free to apologize. “Cleaning up little messes before you go to sleep and saying – you know I’m sorry, I said that but it wasn’t worth it, I want you to know that I love you – it’s good for everyone”, encourages the author. Anger is a form of stress for both children and adults. As a child, receiving forgiveness reduces stress levels – a good thing for boosting feel-good hormones and helping you fall asleep! Also, forgiveness is beneficial for parents and will also reduce their stress level. Apologizing also shows children that they too can lose their temper but fix their emotional state later.

Read :

Book I do not sleep! by Aurélie Callet and Clémence Prompsy, published by De Boeck Supérieur (Kidz and Family)